Welcome to the Mastermind Season 9 Results Thread! Please note that the judges have only graded submissions that were submitted to the SUBMISSION thread before the deadline. All graded submissions are accompanied with constructive feedback below in the comments section.
RESULTS
Congratulations to Chris Langan for receiving the highest average with a score of 93 out of 100!
Congratulations to Stepan and M-Moya for receiving the second and third highest averages with scores 86 and 82 out of 100, respectively!
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Please keep in mind that the judge(s) have assigned grades based on the following marking criteria:
Once again, congratulations to Chris Langan on winning this season!
Thank you to everyone for participating in this season and we hope that you will come back for future seasons scheduled once every few months!
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Chris
The formal, serious tone immediately establishes the gravity of the situation and suits the brief. The formal register does however make the two contractions in paragraphs 2 ("doesn't") and 3 ("aren't") a bit jarring; maintaining a consistently formal style would be best.
Reclaiming the planet name is powerful and the description of Carbora, using multiple senses, is evocative.
Initially, the speech feels extremely calm and diplomatic - perhaps overly so. The appeals to reason and morality, while well-structured, do not seem persuasive and come across as overly idealistic given the audience is motivated by power, control, or self-interest. However, because of this, I was NOT expecting the bioterrorism/mass sterilization weapon twist - the sharp contrast works very well and is highly impactful. The moral ambiguity of the situation is interesting. The fruit turning from an act of hospitality to an act of bioterrorism is a great reveal. Good job!
It would be good to know, even briefly, what the faster-than-light (not "faster than light" when it is a compound adjective) technology offers, as it would help contextualize the Council’s motives and why it is so invested in withholding it. E.g. does it provide military/economic superiority or another form of leverage?
Overall, the payoff was excellent, and it is clear that the details were well thought out and deliberate.
Creativity and Originality: 28/30
Structure and Organisation: 24/25
Engagement and Impact: 24/25
Grammar and Spelling: 8/10
Prompt Adherence: 9/10
Total: 93/100
M-Moya
Very creative style and form, with poetry, fragmented prose, and sci-fi fused together. The six word story theme is fun and unique, and it is clear you’ve paid attention to the way the words sound.
I like how you intentionally (I think!) break writing conventions for effect. That being said, sometimes this is less clear and reads like it is just riddled with grammatical and spelling mistakes. There are areas that are more obviously grammar mistakes, e.g. very inconsistent capitalisation with proper nouns and pronouns, ‘the street were my corridor’ etc. Fun mixing of languages (que? storie etc); this could’ve been utilised even more for maximum effect. ‘They said terra not terror’ is a great line/conflict via linguistic misinterpretation is a great idea.
Overall, the piece is very creative and interesting. However, the piece deviates from the prompt, which asks for a persuasive speech. While Hal is unwillingly selected as a representative, she is thrown into deciphering alien messages instead of negotiating for technological equality. The story does not outline any concrete solutions for intergalactic inequality or preventing war. There were some parts that felt underexplained/like a big jump, e.g. it is unclear why her buildings comment was enough to earn their prestige and respect.
Creativity and Originality: 28/30
Structure and Organisation: 21/25
Engagement and Impact: 22/25
Grammar and Spelling: 5/10
Prompt Adherence: 6/10
Total: 82/100
Stepan
The speech is passionate and confrontational, which conveys the dumper planets’ struggles and the urgency of the situation. Good use of sarcasm as it shows the speaker’s subtle (and then increasingly unsubtle) rage. You’ve implemented natural speech patterns and rhetorical devices to convey the fact that it is a speech. Good use of imagery like ‘a tombstone of a planet orbiting the star’. A ‘leprosarium on planet scale’ is strong, as is the cumbersome phrasing analysis.
The themes and conflict (e.g. corporate exploitation and unchecked natural resource extraction) are clear and parallel real-world issues. There is room for a bit more creativity and out-of-the-world problems here though, as these problems are not unique to the intergalactic setting.
“Dumpster planets” is fun to say, but the prompt does say “dumper planets” instead. Some areas could’ve done with more editing for grammar and concision. Pay attention to punctuation as well. Overall the piece fits the prompt very well.
Creativity and Originality: 24/30
Structure and Organisation: 23/25
Engagement and Impact: 22/25
Grammar and Spelling: 8/10
Prompt Adherence: 9/10
Total: 86/100